Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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