You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
