guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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