You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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