She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
false alarm, still single
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