You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
