Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
