I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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