you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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