I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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