made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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