I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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