Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
