I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
