I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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