MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Success! We fucked roommates!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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