It's a beautiful day for a hangover
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize