sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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