your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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