i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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