My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I supernannyed him into submission
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
