i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
