My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
