Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
