did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i would punch a child for taco bell
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize