I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize