I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
