your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
