PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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