i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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