We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize