I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
