two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
