you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
