Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
