He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
