Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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