Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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