Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
