you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
