shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
