4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
