guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
