Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize