so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
