the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
