I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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