OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
