i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize