Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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