have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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