I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
