My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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