Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
