She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
