So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
