the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
