I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
