but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
