Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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