i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
