She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
