apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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