I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
