my mouth tastes like poor choices
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
