i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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