I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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