yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
