Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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