Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Mom said you looked used
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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