i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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