Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
