If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
