Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
