she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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