am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
