The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
