dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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