I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize