"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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