also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
