So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
