there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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