everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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