He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize