Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
