its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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