when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize