Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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