wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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