i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
