Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
