It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
