You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
