thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
