tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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