my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
