You're my little dorito
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
