I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
