Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
