I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
