the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
