Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
