pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
