There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
