my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
