i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
