How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
