He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
