dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize