Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
