As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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