FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
